Texts sent from an unknown number; Feb 18

[abracadavers]

To: Bracken Hemming
[1] I
[...]
[2] So

To: Briar Hemming
[1] Shut up about it but I need you to come to Cardiff
[2] and get me

Comments

[arietids]

[1] Brod Why should I, stranger?

[abracadavers]

[1] Obviously it's me you knob
[...]
[2] Broderick
[3] And you need to come get me because I've been forcibly detained against my will

[arietids]

[1] Should've just said so.
[2] Now, the kind of forcibly detained you're talking about
[3] It by the law
[4] Or by some stupid bar fight idiocy

[abracadavers]

[1] Those things aren't mutually exclusive
[2] and it wasn't idiocy
[3] Well it was idiocy, but not my OWN, which I have explained to these chucklefucks REPEATEDLY but to no one's surprise they are utterly incompetent
[4] DISCRIMINATORY, PREJUDICIAL PIGS in fact, just because I'm Welsh and know my rights to beat t

[arietids]

[1] They aren't, but I figured you could be annoying enough at a bar that someone kidnapped you to teach you a lesson
[...]
[2] Wait you're serious, aren't you?
[3] You're in jail?

[abracadavers]

[1] I'm the one who teaches lessons and anyone stupid enough to confine themselves with me is getting what they deserve
[2] Y E S
[3] I'm always serious, dickhead.
[4] I have been wrongfully imprisoned and am using my cellmate's illicit phone to text you
[5] Keep up.

[arietids]

[1] Don't they give you a call, or is that not a thing here?
[2] You're so fucking stupid.
[3] Assuming Bracken has no idea?

[abracadavers]

[1] You're fucking stupid
[2] They opted to call my father for me because they're CORRUPT PRICKS
[3] Bracken doesn't need to know
[4] Yet. It's not a big deal, just come get me out of jail.

[arietids]

[1] Says the guy who needs me to pick him up from jail
[...]
[2] Where do they get off just calling someone for you?
[3] You'll have to tell Bracken sooner or later

[abracadavers]

[1] This isn't Law & Order. But also they're prejudicial, corrupt, fascists (see previous citation)
[2] [...] And I may have a reputation
[3] I'm sure my face will tell him more than enough
[4] Why disturb him over something so small and meaningless?
[5] I'll be home in no time BECAUSE YOU CAME AND GOT ME

[arietids]

[1] Can't you just get banned from a bar like a normal person?
[2] I'm coming to get you dumbass
[3] What actually happened?
[4] And how bad is your face?

[abracadavers]

[1] Yes
[2] Was out with the Department for a pint
[3] and some absolute bellend and his fuckwit posse had something to say about how I smelled
[4] We had a chat etc. etc. I dealt with it
[5] My nose is broken, haven't seen the rest of it but I have all my teeth so if you hurry the fuck up you can tell me how pretty I look

[arietids]

[...]

[1] Sounds like he deserved it
[2] How's he looking?
[3] And I am hurrying you shit, wasn't just waiting around for you to text me to pick you up from jail

[abracadavers]

[1] EXACTLY
[2] He's looking like the piece of shit he is
[3] Crispier, mince meat version
[4] [...] using magic may be why I'm behind bars
[5] archaic fucking rules, like formally declaring a wizard duel makes a fucking difference
[6] And get with it Briar, you've known me for a year

[abracadavers]

[1] Owen wants to know if you can smuggle in a bacon butty when you come

[abracadavers]

[1] No wait, just ham and cheese

[arietids]

[1] So fucking needy
[2] Also wizards are such nerds
[3] Should've just punched him

[abracadavers]

[1] If you don't bring him a butty I don't get to use his phone
[2] It's a reasonable request and shut up
[3] I did. Repeatedly. The magic was just to make sure he regrets being born every time he opens his fuck ugly, stupid mouth about werewolves

[arietids]

[1] Did I say I wasn't going to do it, idiot?
[2] Seems fair
[3] Could've been smarter about it though

[abracadavers]

[1] I'm telling Owen you called him needy
[2] OH?
[3] How should I have gone about it then, professor?

[arietids]

[1] Oh no, my reputation with Owen
[2] Go out to a secluded field to get in your fight, obviously

[abracadavers]

[1] You have no idea what this man did to end up in this cell
[2] Okay hick fight club.
[3] I'm not going to apologize or regret it, but I also don't think Bracken or Byron need to know about it right now
[4] I'll be smarter next time. I'll full stop kill him. Come get me.